Being a lover of kitchen gadgetry and matching sets; I had a cute little spaghetti set made by a popular plastic company. It consisted of a container for dried spaghetti, a strainer, a two pronged fork, and a bent pronged spoon-I called it the spaghetti thingy. All of the pieces were a dusty rose, which was a popular color in those days. I loved that set.
One day I went to get my spaghetti thingy and I could not find it. At that time I was living in a very small house, and it was easy to find most everything by just turning around. It was not in the house.
At that time also, my brother had come to live with me after his separation from his wife. I inquired of him if he had seen the spaghetti thingy, and he had not. The matching set had been “broken”, and I mourned the loss. But I never gave up the search! Things in my possession do not just disappear.
Some time later, needing the thingy again, I wondered where it could be. I must have muttered out loud, because my brother said, “It must have gotten destroyed when my buddy and I were grilling.”
I knew right away who his buddy was; he was a friend of mine also. Great guy and we had cooked outside many times with him. But a utensil had never been destroyed. I had a grill utensil set.
“When? I don’t remember anything getting ruined while cooking out.” I said.
My brother answers, “The night of the fire.”
“Fire?” Now I have taken two steps from the kitchen to face him sitting in the living room.
“Yeah,” he says. “When my buddy and I were grilling.”
He is acting and speaking like I should know about this. My mind is swirling, did I sleep through something? Did it happen when I was at work? He always told me when his buddy was coming over. And, why hadn’t he said something to me when it happened?
The questions started pouring out of me, “What are you talking about? What fire? When did this happen?”
He replies, “The weekend you went out of town with your friend, and the fire department came.”
By this time, I am completely flabbergasted, and I am sure my jaw was on the floor. Several months earlier, a friend and I had a girl’s weekend out of town, and my brother and his buddy partied at the house. I had thought that the house and yard had survived unscathed.
After sitting down in front of my brother, demanding more details, and dragging out of him anything I could, I found out most of the story.
He and his buddy were grilling out that weekend. Very late at night, apparently even early morning. The fire in the grill was large, by his description, and someone, I assume a neighbor, called the fire department. I assume also, that both my brother and his friend were pretty well lit up themselves.
Two tanker trucks and the Fire Chief showed up, very early in the morning. My brother says the sirens were going and everything. There was nothing to put out, and the Chief just asked them to be careful.
I was embarrassed by this incident for years, and for so many reasons, but the main one being that the fire department was called out for a false alarm. They are heroes for what they do, and I don’t take it lightly.
This incident happened many years ago, and I am no longer living in the same town. So, now I can chuckle a little when I think about what happened. And I can be glad that the only casualty was my spaghetti thingy. I stopped looking for it, and didn’t feel the lose of it any longer after hearing the story. I don’t know the details of its demise, but I can imagine.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
A man and his Turtle
While taking a stroll one fall afternoon, (yes I stroll, it is a little slower than walking and lets you take in all the handiwork on people’s front lawns in the spring and fall), I past by a man standing in his yard. He was elevated about four feet higher than me, due to a retaining wall between his yard and the sidewalk that I was on.
I smiled at him and said, “Hello.”
He smiled back and said, “Hello. Nice day for a walk.”
I agreed and kept walking slowly by.
He said, “I am walking my Turtle.”
“Oh.” I said, as I strained my neck, stood on my tiptoes to search the grass beneath his feet, and bit my lip so I would not laugh out loud.
And there it was a couple of feet in front of him. Just sitting there, or maybe standing, I was not close enough to see if its little legs were out or not.
Now, I am very familiar with walking dogs, and I have a brother who will let his cat out on a leash in the yard sometimes. And I have even seen my neighbors out pushing their baby in the baby buggy, with their dog tied up to it following along, and bringing up the rear? Their cat, with no leash, just walking behind the whole group!
I think I said, “That’s nice.”
He went on to say, that his Turtle was really his son’s Turtle and that it lived in a gage of sorts, in their home. He explained that not all Turtles like to be in water all the time,
and he liked knowing that the Turtle got to be outside sometimes.
We chatted for a minute or two, wished each other a good afternoon, and I was on my way again. I strolled on; giggling to myself, thinking about the man and his Turtle. But I was glad that he was keeping an eye out for it. That way, it would not get eaten by a neighborhood dog or cat.
I smiled at him and said, “Hello.”
He smiled back and said, “Hello. Nice day for a walk.”
I agreed and kept walking slowly by.
He said, “I am walking my Turtle.”
“Oh.” I said, as I strained my neck, stood on my tiptoes to search the grass beneath his feet, and bit my lip so I would not laugh out loud.
And there it was a couple of feet in front of him. Just sitting there, or maybe standing, I was not close enough to see if its little legs were out or not.
Now, I am very familiar with walking dogs, and I have a brother who will let his cat out on a leash in the yard sometimes. And I have even seen my neighbors out pushing their baby in the baby buggy, with their dog tied up to it following along, and bringing up the rear? Their cat, with no leash, just walking behind the whole group!
I think I said, “That’s nice.”
He went on to say, that his Turtle was really his son’s Turtle and that it lived in a gage of sorts, in their home. He explained that not all Turtles like to be in water all the time,
and he liked knowing that the Turtle got to be outside sometimes.
We chatted for a minute or two, wished each other a good afternoon, and I was on my way again. I strolled on; giggling to myself, thinking about the man and his Turtle. But I was glad that he was keeping an eye out for it. That way, it would not get eaten by a neighborhood dog or cat.
Alone
Taking a long deep breath in through my nose, I let it slowly slip out through my lips. I gently close the door behind me and turn the dead bolt.
A quick scan of my apartment reminds me of chores left undone from the night before. They may or may not get done this evening.
I shed the tools that have helped me make it through the day; my purse, lunch box, water bottle, extra sweater, coat, hat, gloves, boots, and scarf, and put them away. As I remove my jewelry and let down my hair, I flip on the local smooth jazz station.
I set about the task of creating something to eat for dinner, which I love doing when I have the time, and I mull over the days triumphs and disappointments. The thoughts run through my head, and they slowly turn towards my dinner preparation.
Before too long, the day is gone, and the evening is all mine, because I am home alone.
A quick scan of my apartment reminds me of chores left undone from the night before. They may or may not get done this evening.
I shed the tools that have helped me make it through the day; my purse, lunch box, water bottle, extra sweater, coat, hat, gloves, boots, and scarf, and put them away. As I remove my jewelry and let down my hair, I flip on the local smooth jazz station.
I set about the task of creating something to eat for dinner, which I love doing when I have the time, and I mull over the days triumphs and disappointments. The thoughts run through my head, and they slowly turn towards my dinner preparation.
Before too long, the day is gone, and the evening is all mine, because I am home alone.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Walk in a Winter Storm
Hope the lines and trees stay up where they belong.
Looks like a spine holding up more than it's share.
Bending, bending...
Forced into an Arbor.
It came down pretty hard on my way home.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Bullies
We all know of them, one way or another. You may have been or are being bullied right now. Or, you know someone who has been. More likely you just know the office bully or the bully in your child’s class. They are everywhere.
I have been a victim of bullying a couple of times. As hard as it was to deal with as a child, I was not prepared for it as an adult.
I ignored my bully co-worker and would not let him walk all over me. I used self-talk and reminded myself that it was he who had a problem and not me. As this was a new job, I treaded lightly when inquiring about the bully, with other co-workers. I wasn’t pleased with what I heard, “Oh he has good days and bad days.” Or, “Don’t let it get to you; it will affect your work.” But, I was determined to make it work, that is my nature anyway, and I really liked all my other co-workers, the job, all the bosses, and they liked me. The bully did not let up. At one point he was aggressive with me and also invaded my personal space.
Being alone and not having anyone to bounce this situation off of, I turned to the net. I found a lot of wonderful information that helped me in several ways to cope, and gave me some validation as to how I was feeling. One site that is jam-packed with helpful information is Kickbully. Some of the information you can find there is, tips on handling a bully, ways to recognize a bully, links and book recommendations, and information on company atmospheres and how they can actually promote bullying.
Unfortunately I needed to bring the situation up to my boss. She got angry at me! It was very apparent to me that I was being made out to be a trouble maker by speaking out. I quit the job. And I am better for it.
I have been a victim of bullying a couple of times. As hard as it was to deal with as a child, I was not prepared for it as an adult.
I ignored my bully co-worker and would not let him walk all over me. I used self-talk and reminded myself that it was he who had a problem and not me. As this was a new job, I treaded lightly when inquiring about the bully, with other co-workers. I wasn’t pleased with what I heard, “Oh he has good days and bad days.” Or, “Don’t let it get to you; it will affect your work.” But, I was determined to make it work, that is my nature anyway, and I really liked all my other co-workers, the job, all the bosses, and they liked me. The bully did not let up. At one point he was aggressive with me and also invaded my personal space.
Being alone and not having anyone to bounce this situation off of, I turned to the net. I found a lot of wonderful information that helped me in several ways to cope, and gave me some validation as to how I was feeling. One site that is jam-packed with helpful information is Kickbully. Some of the information you can find there is, tips on handling a bully, ways to recognize a bully, links and book recommendations, and information on company atmospheres and how they can actually promote bullying.
Unfortunately I needed to bring the situation up to my boss. She got angry at me! It was very apparent to me that I was being made out to be a trouble maker by speaking out. I quit the job. And I am better for it.
My Google group for lonely people
With my need to share and connect with other lonely people, I started a Google group.
I am hoping that it will become a welcoming safe place to share, express ourselves, and to get to know others like us.
Stop by and take a look. Please leave some input; I would love to hear from you.
I am hoping that it will become a welcoming safe place to share, express ourselves, and to get to know others like us.
Stop by and take a look. Please leave some input; I would love to hear from you.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Cookie
The other day at the grocery store an older woman, nicely dressed, pushing a cart and eating a cookie, said to me, “Excuse me.”
I answered, “Yes?”
She proceeded to tell me a joke about a cookie. I think it was a, what did the cookie say to whomever, joke. I am terrible at remembering jokes. The punch line was something like, I am all crumby.
I remember the joke was cute, and I did smile and laugh, so did she. And then she turned and went on her way.
I thought to myself. Why did she stop me? I passed her later in the same isle. She had not stopped anyone else. Did I look approachable? Maybe I just looked less angry or threatening than others. Is she lonely too?
I am wondering if I missed a chance to connect with someone. But I can not think of a single thing I would have felt comfortable saying to her other than, that was cute. Would that have been enough?
I answered, “Yes?”
She proceeded to tell me a joke about a cookie. I think it was a, what did the cookie say to whomever, joke. I am terrible at remembering jokes. The punch line was something like, I am all crumby.
I remember the joke was cute, and I did smile and laugh, so did she. And then she turned and went on her way.
I thought to myself. Why did she stop me? I passed her later in the same isle. She had not stopped anyone else. Did I look approachable? Maybe I just looked less angry or threatening than others. Is she lonely too?
I am wondering if I missed a chance to connect with someone. But I can not think of a single thing I would have felt comfortable saying to her other than, that was cute. Would that have been enough?
Distractions
In dealing with my loneliness and being alone so often I have looked for ways to keep busy. I have so many now; it is like a collection of stuff that hangs around. Crafts, games, books, and interests in general, pile up around my apartment and on my computer. Some forgotten and many I am very familiar with.
I enjoy these distractions. I am busy and happy. I can delve into them and loose all track of time. I can end up not eating or sleeping much, because I am so “into” what ever I am doing. But they all have one thing in common. They are all solitary pursuits.
My distractions do nothing to solve my problem of being lonely. I know how to work on solving the problem by getting out around people. It is suggested that one should find people with things in common with you. Hmmm, the people like me are doing what I do. They are home enjoying their distractions, unhappy that they are lonely also.
This is an interesting article about experiments that were run concerning lonely people. It suggests that people are not needed to alleviate loneliness. It also gives a pretty good explanation for why I have names for some inanimate objects. (tee hee) Turns out I am a pretty normal lonely person!
I enjoy these distractions. I am busy and happy. I can delve into them and loose all track of time. I can end up not eating or sleeping much, because I am so “into” what ever I am doing. But they all have one thing in common. They are all solitary pursuits.
My distractions do nothing to solve my problem of being lonely. I know how to work on solving the problem by getting out around people. It is suggested that one should find people with things in common with you. Hmmm, the people like me are doing what I do. They are home enjoying their distractions, unhappy that they are lonely also.
This is an interesting article about experiments that were run concerning lonely people. It suggests that people are not needed to alleviate loneliness. It also gives a pretty good explanation for why I have names for some inanimate objects. (tee hee) Turns out I am a pretty normal lonely person!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Snow
My friends the trees provide the dark backdrop that allows me to see the lazy snow. The little white pieces of art, dance in the breeze.
M O
Would you even notice me if you passed by me on the street? Maybe you would, but would look right through me, as we all seem to do to strangers. Perhaps if we were sitting next to each other or across from each other, our eyes might meet. Would you speak? Would you silently make a judgment of me? If we worked at the same place, would we be friends?
Our boundaries are the universe. Two become one, soaring. We talk and share. We laugh and play. We listen and cry. We dream and learn. The music is sweet, and our voices are soft. Our time together is precious, and time stands still.
Who would take this from me? Certainly not God. Who am I, or you, to do what God would not do?
Our boundaries are the universe. Two become one, soaring. We talk and share. We laugh and play. We listen and cry. We dream and learn. The music is sweet, and our voices are soft. Our time together is precious, and time stands still.
Who would take this from me? Certainly not God. Who am I, or you, to do what God would not do?
Morning Gift
The sun illuminates the kitchen window. A shadow, of steam rising from a pipe, on the roof of the building next door, dances lazily on the side of the refrigerator. The shadow resembles the shadow of rippled water being reflected onto an object. It is strangely just as soothing. The pipe is black, long, and thin, with a flip top; no doubt releasing steam and gases from some ones waste system. From something so ugly, comes something so beautiful.
Trash In A Tree
It changes shapes. Sometimes looking like a child with a white sheet on. Sometimes like a caterpillar cocoon. Sometimes almost invisible, due to the change in the light, or the direction of the wind.
Flapping fast and furious. Almost to the top of that majestic tree. So un-natural looking. Will the wind rip it to shreds, trying to destroy it? Will it be up there forever?
Flapping fast and furious. Almost to the top of that majestic tree. So un-natural looking. Will the wind rip it to shreds, trying to destroy it? Will it be up there forever?
My Horrible Driver’s License Picture
I am not much for having my picture taken at all; I think they all turn out horrible. Having it taken for my license is no different. Like most other people, I think they look bad.
Well I now have the worst of the worst pictures. It has that look of a “women’s prison mug shot.” No, I haven’t been in prison, just seen a lot of mugs on the news. I have also lost some weight since the picture was taken. So my driver’s license does not see daylight unless it absolutely has to!
A while back, I needed to pull out my license from its deep hiding place in my wallet, and have a merchant verify my identity and make a copy of it. I handed it to the gentleman, and he turned to walk away to make the copy, and stopped. He looked over at me, then back to my license. Oh crap, I thought to myself, I pulled out my license and handed him something else! Or, I am up a creek if he doesn’t think it is me! The merchant interrupted my racing thoughts by saying with a little chuckle, “you look much better than this!” Then he disappeared into the backroom.
I managed to whisper a thank you through my sheepish smile, and thought CRAP; it really is a bad picture! I made up my mind, first chance I got; I was getting a new one taken.
Life has moved on, and so have I. I never got the new picture taken. Having it done was put lower and lower on the too-do lists. And now, I like having it. Among other things, it shows my progress with my weight loss. Remember, I hate to have my picture taken. I had become very good at avoiding having it done. So my driver’s license picture is one of the very few pictures that I have of me, before.
Before, I cared enough about myself to take care of myself. And before, not being afraid to be seen in public or have a snapshot of myself out there in the world, with goodness knows who looking at it.
I have a bad driver’s license picture, like most people do, and I like it.
Well I now have the worst of the worst pictures. It has that look of a “women’s prison mug shot.” No, I haven’t been in prison, just seen a lot of mugs on the news. I have also lost some weight since the picture was taken. So my driver’s license does not see daylight unless it absolutely has to!
A while back, I needed to pull out my license from its deep hiding place in my wallet, and have a merchant verify my identity and make a copy of it. I handed it to the gentleman, and he turned to walk away to make the copy, and stopped. He looked over at me, then back to my license. Oh crap, I thought to myself, I pulled out my license and handed him something else! Or, I am up a creek if he doesn’t think it is me! The merchant interrupted my racing thoughts by saying with a little chuckle, “you look much better than this!” Then he disappeared into the backroom.
I managed to whisper a thank you through my sheepish smile, and thought CRAP; it really is a bad picture! I made up my mind, first chance I got; I was getting a new one taken.
Life has moved on, and so have I. I never got the new picture taken. Having it done was put lower and lower on the too-do lists. And now, I like having it. Among other things, it shows my progress with my weight loss. Remember, I hate to have my picture taken. I had become very good at avoiding having it done. So my driver’s license picture is one of the very few pictures that I have of me, before.
Before, I cared enough about myself to take care of myself. And before, not being afraid to be seen in public or have a snapshot of myself out there in the world, with goodness knows who looking at it.
I have a bad driver’s license picture, like most people do, and I like it.
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